Space Money Octagon Presents
The Filmography Disquisition Series
Kristen Stewart: An Exhaustive Examination
Bella Swan is an awkward, moody, new girl in the small town of Forks, Washington. As she adjusts to life away from her mom and the comforts of Arizona, Bella becomes acquainted with the locals at the surprisingly large high school. She’s welcomed by and soon falls in with a small group of friends, but quickly takes interest in an outsider group of foster kids from the mysterious and exotic frozen expanse of Alaska. Bella soon finds herself paired in Biology class with one of the mysterious Cullen clan, Edward. Bella’s efforts to get acquainted with Edward take some time, as he is distant and often absent. One day, they finally strike up a decent conversation and warm up to each other. Their burgeoning relationship takes a curious turn, though, when Bella is nearly killed by a bad teen driver – BUT IS SAVED BY EDWARD AND HIS SUPER POWERS. Turns out he’s a vampire, as is the entire Cullen family! Bella is impressed an intrigued and not scared of becoming Edward’s snack. He says he’s a good vampire who only drinks the blood of animals…but he really wants to drink Bella up… but he won’t because she’s cute and reads books. Immediately and irrevocably in love, Bella quickly abandons her other friend group to take up with Edward and his family of vampires. Surprisingly, paling around with vampires brings danger to Bella’s front door, as a group of wandering vampires – who’ve been causing trouble in town – soon sniff her out and threaten her and her father and mother. Bella makes a deal to keep her family out of danger, but it’s a trick and she gets bitten by a bad vampire who’s into art films and nearly dies. Fortunately, her good stalker boyfriend Edward and his family show up in the nick of time to decapitate the bad vampire and save Bella. After she recovers from her near-death experience, Bella and Edward cap off their eventful time together with a prom date!
…but danger and rogue vampires and other boys with crushes on her are lurking in the shadows, awaiting Bella.
Join co-hosts Vanessa and Toben on a quest that began (in Volume 1) with one of the most pressing cinematic questions of our time: what’s the best movie Blake Lively’s ever been in?
In Volume 2, Vanessa and Toben seek to determine the best Kristen Stewart movie of all time.
They will watch – in chronological order – every major motion picture featuring the actress Kristen Stewart. At the end of each episode, an updated ranking of Kristen Stewart movies will be determined using a refined academic and scientific process.
- Panic Room
- The Messengers
- The Safety of Objects
- Fierce People
- In The Land of Women
- Into The Wild
- Cold Creek Manor
- Catch That Kid
- The Cake Eaters
- What Just Happened
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org (emails may be read on the show)
Music: Mozart’s Bassoon Concerto in B Flat Major, K. 191 – I. Allegro
performed by the Skidmore College Orchestra
Sound effects: https://www.freesound.org/people/Corsica_S/sounds/174771/
Intro voice performance: @iamastove
This was actually a terrible idea for a podcast