Space Money Octagon Presents
The Filmography Disquisition Series
Kristen Stewart: An Exhaustive Examination
Episode 3: Cold Creek Manor (2003)
Kristen Tilson is a moody kid living in the big city with her parents and younger brother. One day, after her disobedient brother darts into traffic on the way to school and is nearly killed by a SUV, her family decides to move to the country to get away from it all. They relocate to Cold Creek Manor, a rustic residence with a mysteriously retro vibe whose previous tenants left in a hurry. In addition to the cool new digs, Kristen also gets a pony named Chester!
During a game of hide and seek with her brother, Kristen comes upon a wooden sign reading “evil,” which kind of ruins the whole vibe of the day for her. Bad omens continue for Kristen when a snake spooks her and her brother in the outdoor pool. Fortunately, they are saved by Dale, the former resident of the home, who recently returned from a stint in prison and is now employed by the Tilson’s as a home renovator. Unfortunately, Kristen’s family is soon inundated with more snakes in their house, forcing them to escape to the roof before being rescued once again by Dale. Dale is actually a weirdo, abusive creep, though, despite his snake-related heroics, and is maybe actually harassing the family. Things go from bad to worse for Kristen when she finds Chester dead in the swimming pool under suspicious circumstances. After a near violent confrontation with Dale at the local diner, Kristen, her mother and brother head back to the city while her dad stays behind to figure things out. Kristen and her brother just kind of chill there until their parents have resolved their personal issues with Dale and then they’re able to return to the newly peaceful manor.
Join co-hosts Vanessa and Toben on a quest that began (in Volume 1) with one of the most pressing cinematic questions of our time: what’s the best movie Blake Lively’s ever been in?
In Volume 2, Vanessa and Toben seek to determine the best Kristen Stewart move of all time.
They will watch – in chronological order – every major motion picture featuring the actress Kristen Stewart. At the end of each episode, an updated ranking of Kristen Stewart movies will be determined using a refined academic and scientific process.
- Panic Room
- The Safety of Objects
Contact: email@example.com (emails may be read on the show)
Hosts: Vanessa (http://twitter.com/the_virago) and Toben (http://twitter.com/pursuedbyabeard)
Music: Mozart’s Bassoon Concerto in B Flat Major, K. 191 – I. Allegro
performed by the Skidmore College Orchestra
Record start sound effect: https://www.freesound.org/people/Corsica_S/sounds/174771/
Fireplace sound effect: https://www.freesound.org/people/juskiddink/sounds/215658/
Intro voice: @iamastove (twitter.com/iamastove)
This was actually a terrible idea for a podcast