Space Money Octagon Presents
The Filmography Disquisition Series
Kristen Stewart: An Exhaustive Examination
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 (2011)
Bella Swan is cool, chill bride-to-be, eagerly awaiting her upcoming big day when she’ll get married to Edward and/or become a vampire. Despite revelations that Edward is a murderer, Bella is still gun-ho for the wedding … which is happening right now, apparently! They’re married now!
At the reception, Bella meets the vampire cousins from Alaska before undergoing a barrage of speeches and a surprise visit from Jacob, who is cool for like 5 minutes before getting weird and protective about Bella’s safety during the upcoming “marital rights” time. After the wedding, Bella and Edward jet off to Rio, then to a secluded island, where they swim underneath the moonlight before engaging in sexual congress for the first time. Following the best night of their lives, Bella and Edward share an awkward conversation about bedroom boundaries before figuring out their rhythm. Before you know it, Bella is pregnant – to the surprise and concern of everyone. As the first known human mother of a vampire, Bella’s life is in grave danger due to the rapid growth of child inside her.
As the pregnancy progresses, Bella learns that she will not live to see her baby… unless… she feeds her baby human blood. A pint or 12 of blood through a straw seems to help Bella recover from being at death’s door, though she still looks like she could use a burger. But tragedy soon strikes when a contraction snaps Bella’s back and sends her into labor. While the baby is successfully delivered, thanks to some improvisation by Edward, Bella does not weather the storm…
except she totally comes back to life thanks to an injection of Edward’s venom! She’s finally a vampire, just like she always dreamed of being.
Join co-hosts Vanessa and Toben as they journey through an actor’s filmography, in chronological order, in an effort to definitively determine – using a refined academic and scientific process – that actor’s best movie.
Their quest began in Volume 1 with one of the most pressing cinematic questions of our time: what’s Blake Lively’s best movie?
In Volume 2, Vanessa and Toben seek out the best Kristen Stewart movie.
- Welcome to the Rileys
- The Runaways
- The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
- The Twilight Saga: New Moon
- Panic Room
- The Yellow Handkerchief
- The Messengers
- The Safety of Objects
- Fierce People
- In The Land of Women
- Into The Wild
- Cold Creek Manor
- Catch That Kid
- The Cake Eaters
- What Just Happened
Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org (emails may be read on the show)
Music: Mozart’s Bassoon Concerto in B Flat Major, K. 191 – I. Allegro
performed by the Skidmore College Orchestra
Sound effects: https://www.freesound.org/people/Corsica_S/sounds/174771/
Intro voice performance: @iamastove
This was actually a terrible idea for a podcast